Heart of Ruth

My husband and I have been married for almost two and a half years.  Many changes happen during the early years, especially if you marry at a young age. You grow together and learn to make decisions for your life. …

Apple Cider Punch

I’ve never been a fan of apple cider, but I always give it another try this time of year. I mean fall and apples goes hand in hand, right? Well I have the perfect recipe for apple cider punch for …

8 Reasons Not to Ask Newlyweds When They’re Having Kids

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage. Right? After getting married in May, I have been bombarded with the “So when are ya’ll having a baby?” questions. And God forbid I hold a baby because that means I have baby fever. I had not even left my reception when I started getting the baby questions. What’s worse is when people reassure me that I will want kids soon after I tell them, “No. I definitely do not have baby fever.” In the south, it is common for young couples to get married and soon after have kids. It’s our culture. I don’t mean to offend anyone by this post, but not a lot of people think about the new wife’s thoughts or feelings concerning motherhood.  Why is it so annoying to be asked about getting pregnant? Here are 8 reasons why you should not ask newlyweds the dreaded baby question.

1. Because I want to graduate school. I got married at the young age of 21 and still an undergrad. I need to get through finals and walk across the stage before my water breaks. I have been working too long for a degree. I do not have time to be a mother. I know that some brave women can accomplish this great feat of being pregnant or being a mother during school, but I don’t want this.

2. Because it’s none of your business. If you think about it, this is an extremely personal question.You’re technically asking me about my sex life with my husband. Super personal!  I always feel like I have to explain my reasons for not wanting/not being ready for kids. Plus, I may not know you that well. Why do you think I’m going to tell you my personal plans?

3. Because I don’t want kids now. Let me take a breath. I just got settled into my new home and to my new schedule. And frankly, I don’t like change. I have a hard time getting used to a new piece of art hanging on my wall, much less a fetus growing inside me or a baby taking over my office.

4. Because you don’t know their story. You don’t know if a couple can have kids for certain. The newlyweds may not even know this.

5. Because I still feel like a kid myself. I am not mentally prepared to birth and care for a child. I know that you can’t be completely ready for your first child, but I still feel like I have a lot of growing up to do before I care for another human. I want to get a big girl job. I want to accomplish my goals. I’m well aware that I can accomplish goals and work as a mother, but I have some stuff up my sleeves before babies.

6. Because I have a timeline that you don’t know about. My husband and I have been making timelines since we were dating that include graduation years, law school years (him-not me) possible relocations, and then kids. We got this. We have our life very well planned out. I am super obsessive about planning well in advance.

7. Because I’m not financially ready. I would never respond to that annoying question by saying this, but my husband and I probably could not afford a child right now. I have heard diapers and wipes and baby stuff is super expensive. We are riding the struggle bus and I don’t want a kid to get on it with us. Two college newlyweds with a baby mixed in is too stressful.

8. Because I’m still getting to know my husband. I learn something new about my husband every day. I’m learning to live with this person and to be a team. That’s what marriage is about in the early stages. The wedding is not just a number on a list of things a girl has to do in her life. I’ve learned marriage is work. Paying bills, trying to make time for each other in between school and work, and stretching our money is work. We are learning about how we have to cope with stressful situations together. We are learning more about our personalities. We don’t know enough about each other to bring a new person into the house.

I probably sound bitter and maybe a little selfish. I promise, I love babies and I want a baby. Eventually. When I do become pregnant -in about 3-4 years if everything goes as planned, so there’s that for everybody asking- I’ll announce it on Facebook or something. Until then, ask me if I have gotten used to my husband leaving every cabinet in the kitchen open or what am I cooking for supper tomorrow.

My Keys to Happiness

“I’m not happy. I just don’t know what to do.” This is what one of my friends said to me the other day. There is nothing more saddening than when someone is unhappy and it feels like there is nothing I can do to help. After talking with her awhile, I realized she was focusing too much on what others thought of her and what others thought she should do with her life.

She is not alone. Too many focus on other’s opinion. Others are lonely. Countless times I have heard a teenager or young adult say, “If I only had a girlfriend/boyfriend.” Do not base your happiness on someone else! You have to make your own happiness.

I told my friend that she has to start focusing on herself. “Focus on you and you alone. Be a little selfish. Start doing things to better yourself and happiness will fall into place.” If you listen to too much of what others say about you, you will start believing it.

If you are not happy with yourself, reinvent yourself. If you are happy, but are just in a slump: analyze yourself and see what you can do to be the best person you can be. If you are completely happy with everything in your life, that is awesome.

The first thing to do when others are controlling your happiness is to cut all negativity out of your life. I know that our society is so caught up in social media that it seems as though we can’t live without it. Guess what, we can. So many times I scroll through my newsfeed on Facebook and all I see are complaints and negativity. I realized that I was on Facebook all throughout the day filling myself with this negativity. I had to cut it out of my life. I did not delete my Facebook, but I did delete the app on my phone so I don’t have constant access to it. Now when I want to get on Facebook, I simply open my laptop and log on the old fashioned way.

There are millions of little ways to rid negativity out of your life and bring the good in. I have a list I’m calling my “Keys to Happiness.” I am completely happy but I want to be the best person I can be. I want to fill my life with positivity.

Before I give ya’ll my list, I have one more point. You have to realize what is important and remember them. My order of importance for everything:
1. God
2. Spouse
3. Family
4. Career

These are my personal goals. I add to this list constantly. Do I do everything on this list currently? Not at all. But this list is my guide of things to do to be a better person by my standards. Make your own list! Feel free to share your list with me in a comment below!

#BANGERZ Review

 

 Say what you will about Miley, but she is a freaking genius and Bangerz is gold.

 Miley offers us a variety of songs that will leave you listening to every song over and over. With killer collaborations with big name hip-hop stars such as Big Sean and Nelly and with the queen of pop Britney Spears, Miley created tracks that leave your mouth open wanting more. 4X4 gives a foot tapping, down-south vibe. She gives us great party jams and softer love songs. Maybe You’re Right is a more serious track with perfect pitch and softer tones. 

Heartbreak is a recurring theme in many of the songs. She rises from a tragic relationship to fuel Drive and FU. She clearly isn’t letting her split with Liam hold her back. 

 Miley has recently shown a new side of herself. With provocative performances, and even racier photo sessions, many are quick to say that she is experiencing a downward spiral. Don’t be so quick to write her off as a fallen Disney Star. She is in the height of her career. She is a genius. 

She may be making some bold choices, but her talent shines through this album.