First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage. Right? After getting married in May, I have been bombarded with the “So when are ya’ll having a baby?” questions. And God forbid I hold a baby because that means I have baby fever. I had not even left my reception when I started getting the baby questions. What’s worse is when people reassure me that I will want kids soon after I tell them, “No. I definitely do not have baby fever.” In the south, it is common for young couples to get married and soon after have kids. It’s our culture. I don’t mean to offend anyone by this post, but not a lot of people think about the new wife’s thoughts or feelings concerning motherhood. Why is it so annoying to be asked about getting pregnant? Here are 8 reasons why you should not ask newlyweds the dreaded baby question.
1. Because I want to graduate school. I got married at the young age of 21 and still an undergrad. I need to get through finals and walk across the stage before my water breaks. I have been working too long for a degree. I do not have time to be a mother. I know that some brave women can accomplish this great feat of being pregnant or being a mother during school, but I don’t want this.
2. Because it’s none of your business. If you think about it, this is an extremely personal question.You’re technically asking me about my sex life with my husband. Super personal! I always feel like I have to explain my reasons for not wanting/not being ready for kids. Plus, I may not know you that well. Why do you think I’m going to tell you my personal plans?
3. Because I don’t want kids now. Let me take a breath. I just got settled into my new home and to my new schedule. And frankly, I don’t like change. I have a hard time getting used to a new piece of art hanging on my wall, much less a fetus growing inside me or a baby taking over my office.
4. Because you don’t know their story. You don’t know if a couple can have kids for certain. The newlyweds may not even know this.
5. Because I still feel like a kid myself. I am not mentally prepared to birth and care for a child. I know that you can’t be completely ready for your first child, but I still feel like I have a lot of growing up to do before I care for another human. I want to get a big girl job. I want to accomplish my goals. I’m well aware that I can accomplish goals and work as a mother, but I have some stuff up my sleeves before babies.
6. Because I have a timeline that you don’t know about. My husband and I have been making timelines since we were dating that include graduation years, law school years (him-not me) possible relocations, and then kids. We got this. We have our life very well planned out. I am super obsessive about planning well in advance.
7. Because I’m not financially ready. I would never respond to that annoying question by saying this, but my husband and I probably could not afford a child right now. I have heard diapers and wipes and baby stuff is super expensive. We are riding the struggle bus and I don’t want a kid to get on it with us. Two college newlyweds with a baby mixed in is too stressful.
8. Because I’m still getting to know my husband. I learn something new about my husband every day. I’m learning to live with this person and to be a team. That’s what marriage is about in the early stages. The wedding is not just a number on a list of things a girl has to do in her life. I’ve learned marriage is work. Paying bills, trying to make time for each other in between school and work, and stretching our money is work. We are learning about how we have to cope with stressful situations together. We are learning more about our personalities. We don’t know enough about each other to bring a new person into the house.
I probably sound bitter and maybe a little selfish. I promise, I love babies and I want a baby. Eventually. When I do become pregnant -in about 3-4 years if everything goes as planned, so there’s that for everybody asking- I’ll announce it on Facebook or something. Until then, ask me if I have gotten used to my husband leaving every cabinet in the kitchen open or what am I cooking for supper tomorrow.
First Lady of Pole Creek 